Sunday

Steve hasn’t rested well the last two nights, but he’s sleeping now. His pain is increasing, and he had some breathing problems last night.

This morning we woke up to that yucky burning-electrical smell. It seemed to be coming from the air conditioner. Within an hour one of our pastors and his wife were here with a portable a/c unit to keep the bedroom cool. (I won’t use names because I found out that embarrasses some people.) Steve’s feverish and it’s hard to keep him cool as it is.

We now have three men from our church (including an electrician) working on the problem. I guess it’s electrical, but they said the hot-water heater is out, too. But, Steve has never had to be without cool air. Thank you Lord. These guys are taking care of everything.

This morning one of our pastors, his wife, our son Andy, and a friend shared communion with Steve. It was meaningful for all of us. Words just won’t do it justice.

I really don’t know how people go through something like this without a supportive church, and a supportive family. I’m so thankful for that.

Please keep praying for Steve’s comfort. He’s at peace, but I know there is some apprehension about the pain level increasing. And, if I let myself think about it, it scares me, too.

Thank you for the prayers, and for all the people helping with our other problems today.

“Remember, our faith is always at its greatest point when we are in the middle of the trial, and confidence in the flesh will never endure testing. Fair-weather faith is not faith at all.” Charles H. Spurgeon

Friday

Steve’s sleeping now, and I’m full of nervous energy, so I’ll write. I know it must be hard for everyone who loves him to be unable to see him right now. I’m sorry for that. So, I’ll try to describe exactly how he’s doing.

It’s been over a week since he’s had anything to eat. He has no appetite, but also knows that he’ll throw up anything that goes down. Including water, usually. Ice chips feel very good to this mouth and throat, and he continues to eat them. However, once or twice a day, he’ll throw that up. His stomach is apparently completely eaten up with this vile cancer.

His parents came by for a visit yesterday, and he was glad to get to see them. But, he tried to move too much and was vomiting during part of their time. I know it was very hard on them in many ways. Please keep them in your prayers.

His pain is fairly well managed with the pain pump continually delivering medication. He hurts if he moves, or has any stress at all. Sometimes he has difficulty breathing, and we have oxygen for him to help in those times. His voice is gone, and he can only talk in a whisper now.

He’s very weak, and cannot get out of bed anymore. The medication makes him a little confused sometimes, but for the most part, he’s lucid. With the help of a friend, we turned his hospital bed around so he can look out the window, so he has a nice view of the woods in our backyard. His bed is right up against our bed, so it’s like we’re still together.

He has no fear. He's very much looking forward to being with the Lord. We talk quite a bit about what we think that will be like. His only concerns are for others. Which is how he's always been.

When he’s awake, we spend our time talking quietly, or I’ll read to him. We’re reading a lot of Psalms right now, and also Randy Alcorn’s book, “Heaven.” And, he enjoys hearing the sweet cards, emails and blog comments. In typical Steve fashion, he said, “It’s kinda cool to not be dead yet, and hear all the nice things people are saying about me.” Gotta love him!

When he’s sleeping, I’m restless. I’m frankly having a hard time focusing to read or pray. My mind darts around like a child with ADD. But, the Lord is giving me good rest at night. Steve has some extra medicine for nausea which I give him at night and it makes him sleep soundly. And knowing that he’s just a few inches from me lets me rest well.

If he has to be sick, I’m so thankful to be the one caring for him. It is my honor to take care of his needs. And, I’m thankful for everyone’s generosity which makes it possible for me to be here all the time. I am continually amazed at God’s perfect provision.

Thursday

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God, and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. " II Corinthians 4:7-9

Yesterday, the hospice nurse told me that she thinks the end will come in about a week. That's her best guess based on the signs and condition she sees physically. Only the Lord knows the days He's ordained for Steve.

Steve slept well last night, and is sleeping now. I'm so thankful to have such a supportive family, and church and to have so many people praying for us. It's important to keep things around him quiet, so we're still asking people not to come. Steve wants to see his parents today, and they're coming later.

We talked some this morning, and we're both so thankful for the years He's given us together. Steve is such a wonderful husband, an incredible man of faith, my best friend, and I love being married to him.

faith

I’ve received a few words that seem to imply that just a little more faith on my part would heal Steve. As if I haven’t prayed hard enough, or wept enough, or believed God enough.

May I be blunt? The faith God gave me is in His character, not in whether or not He chooses to answer my prayers. Our comfort is NOT His greatest desire. His glory, His world-wide renown is His greatest desire. Worshiping Him is for my greatest good. And, only He knows what circumstances will best bring about genuine worship.

And let’s not forget that the greatest miracle has already been accomplished. A Holy, Perfect God provided a way for sinful mankind to come to Him, and spend forever worshipping Him.

Monday evening

This is the hardest post to write, so far.

Yesterday morning at 4:30, Steve woke me up to tell me he thinks the end is very close. This morning, the nurse confirmed that he has many of the last stage symptoms. He's not afraid. He said he wants to be relieved, and he's ready to go. Only the Lord knows what the real timing is. I'm still hoping he has some more good days.

I feel like I should just be able to say, "OK. Let's stop this. I don't want to do this anymore."

He's somewhat agitated by noises and activity. He just wants the room quiet. I know a lot of people want to see him, but I'm having to turn everyone away right now.

Steve said to tell everyone thank you for all the encouraging emails, cards and comments. I do read them all to him, and he smiles.

Thanks for praying for us.

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fail, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:29-31

Sunday evening

It's been a tough day. Please keep the prayers going. Noise and activity are stressing Steve, which increases his pain. So, we just can't have any visitors right now, as much as we love all our family and friends. Thanks for understanding. And, thanks especially for praying.

Saturday evening

Steve’s having another bad day of nausea even though he’s not eating. He’s very weak. But, if you know Steve very well, you know that he’s been given a strong faith and a joyful heart. So he’s still thinking of others and cracking jokes, although his voice is weak and he can’t get around very well.

In May he weighed 220. This morning he weighed 164.

We’re reading aloud together Randy Alcorn’s book, “Heaven.” I had believed that once we’re in Heaven, we’ll have no concept of what’s happening on earth. But, that’s not true. This book gives scriptural examples such as the martyrs praying for justice on earth. (Just read the book.)

If the Lord does choose to take Steve, he’ll still be able to intercede. I know there’s a lot of bad theology that says we become angels, or we’re to pray to the dead. I don’t believe any of that. But I do believe that Steve will be able to intercede for us in a much more knowledgeable way. It gives me chills. Of course, God is our real source of comfort. But to my limited, human way of thinking, this is a very happy thought right now.

Thank you for remembering us in your prayers. Please pray for the nausea to subside, and for Steve to be able to eat.

"They lay their crowns before the throne and say: 'You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.' " Revelation 4:10-11

2 AM

What is it about 2AM? A few nights ago, the battery died in Steve’s pain pump at 2AM. Thankfully, Charlie was here. I woke him and he went to Rockwall and got the battery we needed.

Last night, Steve woke me up at 2AM because the pain had become unbearable. Turns out, the medication in the pain pump was gone, even though the digital read-out said there was still plenty of medication. Thankfully, at 9:30 last night, a delivery person from Home Care had dropped off a new cartridge for the nurse to change out later this week. And, thankfully, it was not difficult to change the cartridge. Within an hour and a half of changing it, Steve was able to sleep.

It scared me to see how much pain he is in without the medication. This is all happening so fast.

Psalm 91:1-2, 5a "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, 'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in Whom I trust.' .... You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day, nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness."

Resting

It’s been a hard couple of days. Steve’s pretty weak, but the pain does seem to be better managed. He has no appetite, and when he can eat, it’s just so very little. I’ve been incredibly stressed out about getting just the “right” foods for him. But, we’ve decided that anything he can get down at this point is “right.” That took some of the pressure off.

The boys came home Sunday, and it’s so nice to have the whole family here. School will start back Monday. Apparently, the rest of the world is still turning. Steve and I both feel a little disconnected with all that’s going on outside our home. In a way, it will be good to be back on schedule with school and such, but I know it’s going to be a difficult balance as well.

I’ve been out of sorts the last few days. Today, I realized that it’s because I’ve been trying to control everything. Striving to make sure we’re doing everything just right. As if God needs us to have things just so before He can do something miraculous. But, there’s no peace in that. Steve and I are both only at peace when we’re completely resting in God.

Church

Steve's energy level changes quickly. He has been having a few good hours a day, but then he'll suddenly be out of energy. We had hoped to make it to church last night, but just about the time to leave, he crashed.

We're getting the DVD's of the service, and we watched one last night. But, it's just not the same as being there, worshipping together. We've taken that time for granted. We're so blessed in this country to be able to gather together freely, unlike so many of our brothers and sisters around the world. Do I appreciate that enough?

"Come, let us bow down in worship, let us kneel before the Lord our Maker; for He is our God and we are the people of His pasture, the flock under His care." Psalm 95:6-7

Friday Evening

Steve's energy level was good this morning, but by this afternoon, he was wiped out and slept from about 3:30 until 8 tonight. The pain is still much better controlled with the pump, so we're thankful for that.

Some sweet soul gave us a book by Henri Nouwen called, "Turn My Mourning Into Dancing." I started reading it this afternoon while Steve was sleeping, and wanted to share this from the first chapter:

"By inviting God into our difficulties we ground life - even its sad moments - in joy and hope. When we stop grasping our lives we can finally be given more than we could ever grab for ourselves. And we learn the way to a deeper love for others. How can we learn to live this way? Many of us are tempted to think that if we suffer, the only important thing is to be relieved of our pain. We want to flee it at all costs. But when we learn to move through suffering, rather than avoid it, then we greet it differently. We become willing to let it teach us. We even begin to see how God can use it for some larger end. Suffering becomes something other than a nuisance or curse to be evaded at all costs, but a way into deeper fulfillment. Ultimately mourning means facing what wounds us in the presence of One who can heal."

Thursday evening

We're home. We'd like to send a more detailed update, but we're just out of steam. We appreciate how faithful everyone is to encourage us. Steve's pain is under better control with the IV pump, which is helping with the nausea some.

More to come tomorrow.

Wednesday evening - still at in-patient unit

Good news and frustrating news. With the IV pain and nausea meds, Steve's feeling a little more human today. They've given him a pump that will automatically keep the pain meds going. The IV nausea med is working well, but they can't let us do that at home (for some unknown reason). So, we need to find something non-IV to fight the nausea. Once we have that under control we can head home.

I have hopes for some good days once we get this straightened out. Please pray with us about this.

Tuesday evening

Steve's had a very bad day. He's fighting nausea, which makes it difficult to keep the pain meds going, which makes the pain worse, and so on.

We're heading back to the home-care inpatient unit, either tonight or in the morning. They hope to be able to start an IV pain pump that we can manage at home. But, they need him inpatient to get that regulated in the beginning. They also think there's a trans-dermal medicine they can use for the nausea.

There is sporadic internet there, so we'll probably be out of touch until we get home. Thanks for remembering him in your prayers. He needs some relief from this pain and nausea cycle.

Back home

We're back home.

Thank you to our friend who took off work, drove here with us, and returned to Houston tonight. Thank you to our sweet friends who cleaned our house, mowed our yard, watered our flowerbeds, put fresh flowers and scriptures everywhere, and stocked our fridge.

We feel so loved. (and tired)

Garden of Gethsemane

This weekend has been agonizing for us in several ways. Steve's pain and symptoms are significantly worse. And, we've been tormented by decisions about treatment. Nothing felt right - there was no peace about any of it.

And then I received this email from a dear friend: "I know you are agonizing. My friend, remember that you are not choosing Steve's days. Those are ordained for him. I cannot stand either to know that he is in that much pain. I realized after walking through much suffering with someone, that it is one of God's ways of allowing that person to loosen their grip on this world and be ready to receive eternity with Him in the next. I certainly cannot advise you what to do but......the Holy Spirit can. " She went on to pray that Steve and I would have one heart about whatever decisions had to be made.

Right then, I realized that the striving and agonizing were all in vain. God is still on His throne, still in control. Our job is to listen and obey. So, I prayed through much of the night that the Lord would speak to Steve about what to do next. And, the first words from his mouth this morning were, "This has gone too far to be treated. I want to go home. I'm ready." It was so painful to hear, but I feel I'm not to fight against it.

Later in the morning, I met with our Doctor here, who basically confirmed that the treatments they had at their disposal would potentially add time, but he really did not have hope that they would put us into complete remission. The last genetic test came back normal, as well. He said he would respect Steve's decision to turn down the treatments and spend the time left with his family.

We're planning to go back to Dallas tomorrow. God can still do a miracle of Biblical proportions if it's His will.

Early this morning, I read through the Passion narrative in Matthew. And, it struck me that this has been our Garden of Gethsemane. We've been tortured with decisions and praying for God to "take this cup from us." But then, with a deep breath, we say, "Not as I will, but as You will." After Jesus' prayers in the garden, He turned and faced Judas and the mob, determined and resolute in what He had to do. And, so we set our face toward the Lord, and what is ahead.

Friday afternoon

Today's Doctor visit wasn't very encouraging. All but one of the genetic tests are back, and they are all normal. Which means that, so far, none of the genetic therapies are available to us. We should have the results of the last one on Monday.

There is a drug they want to start Monday which is supposed to prevent the growth of certain types of blood vessels to cancer cells. It's used for colon cancer, generally. But they want to try it on Steve. The side effects are rather scary.

Beyond that, they want us to consider full blown chemotherapy and radiation. However, two weeks ago, the Oncologist at Baylor said that chemo would only add a few months. So, we have some serious decisions to make Monday.

The oral treatments that he's taking have to be taken with food. But, he has no appetite, and is plagued off and on with nausea. So, we haven't been getting all the treatments down. His pain is still intense, in his abdomen as well as his back. The Doctor said the back pain is from the cancer in his spine. Radiation might help with that.

It's very painful to see doors closed. Unsure of what the Lord has next. We're thankful to have so many people praying for us. Please pray that we'll have wisdom regarding upcoming treatment. Pray for His perfect will to be done. Pray for Steve's pain. And, pray for God's comfort for us both. We're wiped out.

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." Psalm 23:4

Friday morning - need prayers

Steve had a horrible night. Severe stomach pains. I don't know if it's from the chemo, or the vitamin therapy, or something else. These are some of the worse pains he's had.

I'm cancelling the nutritionist appointment, and trying to get in to the the Doctor right away. I just don't know what he'll do... the pain meds aren't working. (and we have ALOT of strong pain meds here.)

Please pray with me for Steve's comfort.

Praise! (and faith crisis?)

Praise God! The liver is not involved, nor is the brain. There is some fluid around the lungs, but it's not clear exactly what that means, yet. The Doctors said they'd just have to monitor that. Thank you all for praying. We were so pleased with this report.

Today, they were able to start Steve on the amino acid/vitamin IV. Hopefully, that will restore some of his strength. And, we begin the chemo today. It's a low dosage, oral version that is not supposed to have many side effects.

Tomorrow, we'll meet with a nutritionist, see the doctor again, get another vitamin IV, and continue with the chemo and SP therapies. We still don't know much about the genetic tests. There may be more therapies they can start once those results are in.

Last night, I confidently wrote about trusting God for today, and living in the now. And, this morning we had such wonderful news. Then... my faith seemed to crash. The financial office at the clinic called me in and told me they need yet another large sum to start the chemo... AND, there may be another large sum due once they identify any genetic therapies we'll start (but there's no way to know how much yet). AND, these initial funds are just to get started. We'll have to come up with who-knows-what on a monthly basis to continue.

Isn't it absurd that I can trust God with Steve's life, yet doubt His financial provision? Why am I so full of faith one day, and so weak the next? As if money was an obstacle to God. As if He hasn't provided EVERYTHING we've ever needed. As if our bank-balance was some big shock to God. As if God was blind-sided by this cancer.

Pray for me. Steve's faith is strong. It's just me... and just now.

Wednesday Evening

Thanks for all the prayers. Steve slept well last night, and felt better all day. We had both the PET scan and the MRI today. Unfortunately, they lasted longer than anticipated, and we weren't able to start on the amino acid/vitamin IV, yet.

Tomorrow, we meet with the Doctors at 9am to get the results of today's scans. The plan is to also start the chemo tomorrow, as well as the vitamin IV. We're also hoping to have results of the genetic testing tomorrow or Friday.

Please continue to pray with us that the liver is not involved. We'll find that out in the morning. Also, if the genetic testing shows a certain abnormality, the genetic therapies they specialize in will be especially hopeful.

(By the way, I messed up one of the Doctor's names yesterday. It's Alam (accent on "am"), not Amen.)

Something that we feel like the Lord is teaching us now is to fully be in each moment. Where do any of us get the idea that we definitely have tomorrow? We tend to spend so much time planning for tomorrow that we don't live today. Our days are all numbered. What are we doing with the minutes that we're living right now? Steve was feeling relatively good this afternoon, so we just laughed and talked, enjoying what we have now.

I have been very guilty much of my life of worrying about the tomorrows - I want a plan. It's so clear that I'm not in control anyway. Plan? The only plan that means anything is God's. And, the good news is - He's trustworthy and good. We'll just rest in that, and live fully in the now.

One of my very favorite passages is Matthew 6. We're living verses 25-34 with renewed peace.

"Therefore I tell you , do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of it's own."

Tuesday, 8pm

Today was not a great day for Steve. He's had quite a bit of pain, and has been very weak. The clinic started him on the SP (Sodium Phenylbutyrate) today. Tomorrow will be a busy day. In the morning he has the PET scan and MRI. Tomorrow afternoon, they'll start the I.V. amino acid/vitamin therapy. Hopefully, he'll feel much better after that.

Some of the blood-work results were back. His hemoglobin level has dropped significantly, and the liver enzymes are elevated. We won't know exactly what that means until we get the results of the MRI and PET scan. They're planning to start the chemo on Thursday.

Please pray for our Doctors. Dr. Amen, Dr. Weaver, and Dr. Burzynski. Pray that the Lord will give them discernment and wisdom, and that He will work through them to heal Steve. We recognize that everything these Doctors have at their disposal is a gift from God, whether or not they recognize it as such.

"Some trust in chariots, and some trust in horses, but we trust in the Name of the Lord our God." Psalm 20: 7

Tuesday, 11am

Steve had a bad night. He's having some different and stronger pains in his abdomen and back. We're due at the clinic at noon. I'll be glad to see the doctor and let him know what's going on. Even the morphine drops aren't taking the pain away.

Please pray for his comfort. More later....

Tentatively Hopeful....

We're back at the hotel now. The evaluation and consultation were long, and there was SO much information. I took notes, but feel a little overwhelmed with it all. However, we both left there feeling hopeful.

Much of what they do at this clinic is based on genetic therapy. So, we won't know our exact treatment plan until they get the results of the genetic testing back later in the week. Wednesday, we'll have an MRI to see if there are any abnormalities in the brain (no jokes, please). And a PET scan to verify if there is any liver involvement, and to be used as a base-line for monitoring the progress (or, hopefully regress) as we proceed through treatment. Apparently it's not totally clear if the liver is involved. The Dr. said that it's very odd for gastric cancer to move into the bones without first affecting the soft tissues, specifically the liver. This could indicate a genetic abnormality, which they think they can treat with some of their genetic therapy. So, PLEASE pray that the liver is not involved.

Tomorrow, they will start Steve on a sodium phenylbutyrate treatment. This stimulates the genes that fight tumors. Due to the aggressive nature of Steve's cancer, they will also start him on an oral chemotherapy. And, depending on the outcome of the genetic testing, there may be some other treatments coming. Thursday, he'll start an amino acid/vitamin IV that will make him feel human again, according to the Doctor.

We should be here between 2 and 3 weeks. After that, we'll continue the treatments at home orally. About six weeks later, there will be another PET scan to monitor how things are going. The Doctor said that the aggressiveness indicates a fast metabolic rate which hopefully means that it will disperse the medication and respond to the therapy fast. So, the first one or two months will be key to measuring the effectiveness.

The financial aspect was a little overwhelming at first. We have a big lump sum due now, which the Lord has already provided through so many people's generosity. The continual, monthly costs are a little worrisome. But, Steve said that this morning, he again read Matthew 6, and was reminded that we're only ever told in scripture to ask for our daily bread. In fact, we're told specifically not to worry about tomorrow. God has ALWAYS been faithful to provide what we need, so we just rest in that.

Sorry this post is so lengthy. There's so much information to digest, I tried to just give you the highlights. Our specific prayer request for today is that the liver is NOT involved.

We were both a little nervous this morning before the appointment. But, several specific things reminded us to be thankful. And that brought peace. So, we say with the Psalmist, "It is good to praise the Lord!" (Psalm 92:1)

Thank you for lifting us up and taking care of us in so many ways.

we're here....

Just wanted to let you know that we made it to Houston fine. Tomorrow at noon is our evaluation at the clinic.

We can't thank you enough for holding us up in prayer, and for all the encouragement and help.

Sunday morning - leaving for Houston

As I just sat to write prior to our departure, I asked Steve how much of yesterday he wanted me to share. He said, "Go ahead and share it all. We want our friends and family to know everything so they know how to pray."

Our day started early, with Steve not feeling well at all. He was having lower back pains on one side, and still not urinating. A friend who's a nurse came by, and after talking with her and confirming with our doctor, we turned up the fluid level in the IV. The kidney pains can come from prolonged dehydration. After a while, it did help with that pain.

We had a steady stream of visitors from early yesterday until late last night. Each one was an encouragement. I could tell that Steve was tense on and off, though. But, we never really had a chance to talk until we got into bed after midnight.

When we did, the flood of tears came for us both. We wondered what our lives would be like the next time we went to bed in this house. We wondered if this clinic is going to be able to help us. So many questions and fears. What if it's the Lord's will to take Steve Home? I asked him what scared him most about dying. He's very much, sincerely, at peace about his eternal home. All his concerns were for me and the kids. And for losing the dreams of things we wanted to do together in this life.

So, we prayed, and cried to the Lord. Told Him how much we want to grow old together and minister together and see grandchildren together. Yet, we know that His ways are best, even if painful. I guess it wouldn't be faith if it all made sense to us. And He gave us rest.

We're leaving in a while. A dear friend who's an RN will travel with us for medical and moral support. Our consultation at the clinic is at noon tomorrow. We're counting on your prayers.

and we continue to rest in Him...

24 hours of prayer

This is yet another one of those amazing things that God is doing through our church. Starting tomorrow morning at 8AM and running straight through until Sunday at 8AM, people have signed up to pray for Steve in 30 minute increments. We'll be bathed in prayer non-stop for 24 hours. Reminiscent of the first century church which, "... all joined together constantly in prayer..." (Acts 1:14).

Rick set it up on the Care Calendar, and when I checked just now, there are only a few time-slots that haven't been claimed. What blessed people we are.

A friend just sent this in an email, "I have to tell you Sheri, I haven't prayed like this in so long, and I have missed that the last year or so." Is God using this trial to draw people to pray? Steve and I have been telling God for several years that we wanted to be used by Him, and that we trusted Him. So, praise His Name.

Specifics to pray for:

• That God would use the treatments at this clinic to perform a miraculous healing and give Steve many more years with us here. And, for Steve's comfort and pain level until that time.
• That God would use this trial to draw our children to Him, and build their faith.
• That Steve and I both would be faithful throughout our lives, in the good and bad.
• That God would use this trial to draw the church to pray. Not just for this specific request, but for the remainder of their lives, deepening their love and dependence on Him.
• That He would ultimately be glorified through this.
• That His perfect will be done.

O Lord of Grace, the world is before me this day, and I am weak and fearful, but I look to Thee for strength. If I venture forth alone, I stumble and fall, but on the Beloved's arms I am firm as the eternal hills. If left to the treachery of my heart, I shall shame Thy Name, but if enlightened, guided, upheld by Thy Spirit, I shall bring Thee glory. Be Thou my arm to support, my strength to stand, my light to see, my feet to run, my shield to protect, my sword to repel, my sun to warm. (from "The Valley of Vision")